"God's drifting in heaven, devil's in the mailbox I got dust on my shoes, nothing but teardrops"
In two weeks it'll have been three months since the passing of my father's best friend, my music guru, and most importantly, my god father. I created a blog shortly after his death and intended to write a post. This was pushed to the wayside as too many other things were "more important." Feeling the weight of such an event wasn't my excuse and neither was the fact that nobody would see it (most likely). I vowed to start writing more, pay tribute to my late uncle, and get things out of my head that i had been thinking about for a while.
Uncle Billy was the biggest Bruce Springsteen fan you'll ever hear about. A larger than life person to all that knew him, my god father had been to over 550 Springsteen concerts. My one stop destination for all Springsteen news and an always open door for music conversation, Billy was the light of the conversation and a whole heart full of love.
I find myself wishing i got to know him better over the years. My father and uncle Billy had some what of a falling out and subsequently I was never able connect with my god father in my adult years. We would email and text about anything and everything. A few times we were fortunate enough to meet at a Springsteen show because you know if my father and I were able to get to a show Billy would be there, even if it was twice the distance.
These past three or so months have brought me to a different part of my life. Feelings of a romantic love lost are all but familiar currently, but the loss of a family member has added its weight and hurt all its own. Music has always been an enormous part of my life and that's why this blog is mainly dedicated to music and its related topics. My music choices have been broadened by knowing my god father and have taken paths that I wouldn't have thought. As a bit of an old soul I've dove deep into the mystic of classic hits and deep cuts. I still find new music today that comes from artists I knew and avidly listened to. The lexicon of great music is so immense that I feel cheated of such a wonderful relationship where music was a primary topic.
Springsteen has, for a very long time, been my favorite artist because of my father and, in turn, because of his relationship with my god father. I'm still falling in love with Springsteen songs for the first time because I wasn't able to live through those releases. I found myself wanting to text Billy because of a release I didn't pay attention to. Outtake songs for The River album found their way to my ear but did not afford me the ability to discuss with my principle Springsteen expert.
Most of the reason for writing this and thinking about everything that's been rolling through my mind is to simply do. Be active and do the things that are going to be risky or scare you. I've yet to see the newest Springsteen movie, that my uncle was unfortunately not able to see, because it may be too emotional? I'm not entirely sure. It's probably the same explanation of my i haven't listened to the playlist that played at his wake, or why job searching is a lost cause for me. I have trouble really pushing myself and I constantly romanticize things in my head to the point that I completely ignore my instincts.
A rolling stone gathers no moss. I'm starting to turn grinchly green and I'm sick of it.
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